My harbouring grievances

I am leaving!

2006-06-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

I am leaving! http://echolow.multiply.com/.

朋友 Friends forever

2006-04-24T00:28:00.000+08:00

不知最近得罪那個小人, 蠻倒楣的. 一個星期內車子坏了兩次, 而且是停在路旁, 只是幸好沒有阻礙到交通. 更加幸好的是, 我有一群很好的朋友, 再我最需要幫助時給予我幫助, 特別要在這邊感謝他們...

谭偉倫 - 感謝你一大早載我到處找汽車維修店.
沈子逸 - 感謝你幫我汽車充電.
劉坊坊 - 感謝你載我去汽車維修店.
徐榮興 - 感謝你幫我在雨中推車.

就以這兩首歌送給你們...
如果沒有你, 車子怎麼走...
如果沒有遇見你, 我的車子沒人理...

最後, 更重要的是要感謝我自己, 因為...我平時對人太好了,說一到處有人幫. 你們應該不會是應為我長得好看而幫我吧?

Work work work

2006-03-28T13:07:00.000+08:00

The day started with a miserable meeting with the US engineers. Just happened that the audio conference bridge wasn't working (which is rare) and on and off we were connected, then disconnected, back and forth. After dragging about 40 minutes, 5 of us were finally on the bridge, but I could barely hear the cross-site engineers. That didn't bother me much, as my project lead recorded all the ARs (Action-Requireds) and soon I was flooded with tons of work. I have no time for breakfast, no time to clean my mail box (and mails keep coming in), I haven't write my weekly report, and I was given even more works. I definitely understand that I was not paid to shake my legs and browse the net in the office. But I too miss my old 'profession' as a barista at a renowned coffee place. Reminiscing the days when I can meet all sorts of people behind the till, the exchanging of F&B knowledges over a cup of coffee, the inhale of the first batch of coffee aroma in the Colombia Shuttle, how I wish I can turn back the time. In this half a year time, I finally learnt that I am better in the service profession. The sad thing is, this company isn't paying enough for my qualification, and my mum had been nagging me to find a 'better' job (still depends on how to define the word 'better'), and I finally realised I couldn't hurt my parents that way any longer.
I wish I can be a chef all my life. I love cooking, I love to discuss food with my peers, I go internet (often) to hunt recipes for my own compilation, and I even cut out recipes from the papers and stick on my notebook. I have all the essential elements; passion, enthusiasm, interest.. just lack of a tinge of courage. I mentioned to my mum before, that I wish that I can take F&B as my profession in the future. The response that I got is an unfortunate negative. But do you know that Mother, that's what I am really looking forward?

Went to the nearby petshop with Beng the other day and saw a extremely cute toy poodle pup. 4 months old and extremely quiet for a pup, especially its species. He stared at me a lot and licked my fingers when i reached him (the shop owner warned me not to do that again). Such a cute thing, but I can't afford to bring him back at the moment. I did consider to own him, but I am afraid he will suffer after that cause I don't have much time to take good care of him. It was difficult to say goodbye, he watched me off. When I pass by the petshop everyday on my way back home, I remember his pair of eyes.

Had some arguments with a colleague lately and I think he spends too much of his time complaining and blaming on people. It's getting hard to get along with him, as I need to take care of his feeling too much. He is quite a bit more emotional than normal guys, and can be as sensitive as a gal. Actually he is a nice guy afterall, at least I think he is trustworthy. Just hope that one day he can live his life easier.

31st is coming very soon! It's Baskin Robbin day again! Me and Beng missed the last two 31st consecutively, we can't afford to miss another one. This time I gonna choose different flavour, and I guess Beng will just stick to his old Chocolate.

Message from CEO...

2006-03-16T17:21:00.000+08:00

Welcome everyone to My harbouring grievances. I am pleased to announce that, I, Mr Heaven Knows, have successfully owned 50.1% of this company's share.

The company's short term goal is to attract at least 15 persons a day to log into this website while long term goal is to make profit from customer advertisements.

The company's mission, vission and detailed roadmap will be revised and published to public soon. Stay tuned...

God save me!

2006-01-24T16:53:00.000+08:00

I was forced by a bin-tai lou to write this:

Goh Seng Han, a guy that every girl cannot affort to lose, every girl cannot survive without him..

I really don't know what's going on in the current community, the society gradually become more and more unhealthy, and people can just lie with both of their eyes widely opened. Even me... I never lie in my blog, but why I am doing this??

Food when I was young

2006-01-24T15:09:00.000+08:00

Just suddenly thought of some interesting way of serving food when I was small. Most of them are no longer being used but I think it will give all of us a nice read.

Bread spreaded with thick butter, and then coated with a sufficient layer of fine sugar. Very smart of me, the main purpose of the butter, is to hold the layer of sugar from dirting the floor, and to neutralise the sweetness of the sugar with its saltiness. I thought I invented that actually, though just found out that I am not the only one doing that.

Raisins. I will carefully bite off the tip/end of the raisin, and push the flesh out by sliding your teeth on the skin from one end to another. After having the flesh, finish up the skin. So due to this strange way of finish up a raisin, I fancy the green one than the black one cause the skin of the green one can stand my teeth better. Till now, I am still eating that way.

I learned to make my own meals when I was in primary school. A bowl of rice, topped with scrumbled eggs (I can make myself at that age), and a few spoonful of Bovril. Mix it well and it's ready to be served. I can never get bored of it. I can't remember since when I stopped eating that way, should be the time when I was so health concious that I started in controlling my carbohidrate intake.

My dad likes watermelon. Normally he'll cut the juicy fruit into slices with skin. But I disliked eating that way. I would clear off the skin and chopped the flesh into approx 1.5"*1.5" cubes. Then, they were sealed with polymer wrap and put into the freezer (yes, freezer). Within an hour, a thin layer of ice will be formed on the surface, but the cubes still aren't hard enough to break your teeth. Put it into your mouth, and your body will immediately fill with a sudden rush of chill. I no longer eating that way, due to my laziness.

Oh, this one is probably one of my favourite. I can even make my own junk food! In a half cup fulled of Milo, add in a few tablespoon of water. Mix them well and you shall see a thick dark chocolate mixture. Eat just like that. Yea, just like that. That's why I always get heaty when I was young, and my mum never know I ever have such healthy junk food in my life.

I had a mango tree in my first house. So basically I get to eat mango all year long. My mum taught me how to serve the semi-riped mango with prawn paste (har-kou in cantonese) till one fine day I couldn't find any prawn paste in the fridge. This ingenious me started to make my own paste, by mixing sufficient amount of thick dark soy sauce with sugar. To me (at that time), they looked quite alike and I thought they should taste alike. I could finish a full bowl of mangoes with this home-made paste without any diffuculties. It must be quite tasty, I can't remember. But I don't really practice this now.

I don't like spicy food when I was young. But always triggered by the smell of my mum's curry, I couldn't resist to have a bite. I would run the meat under the running water to wash away the curry before consumption. Again, my mum never know how I used to waste her effort in making those curries.

Perhaps those ordinary stories happened on you too, just hope that you enjoy your childhood as much as I do.

Paradise

2006-01-17T15:34:00.000+08:00

Had been feeling quite grateful lately of what my mother did to me when I was young. No, not something bad. I was instructed to attend uncountable of piano lessons since I was in the age of 7, for 10 years I never failed to visit my piano teacher once in a week. I can't really reminisce when that I started to voluntarily doing my daily practises. But anyhow, the music foundation that was built inside me bit by bit can't be more solid. Today, everything seems to be paid off. If not because of how much I used to be soaked in the pool of classical music, I might not be able to appreciate such beautiful, graceful, melodic and contemplative solo piano music broadcasting in Whisperings Solo Piano Radio. My mind was in such a peaceful state whenever the musics started to flow, even the tedious works in hand became less torturing.

Imagine yourself lying in the scented bath tub with the aromatherapic candles lighted on, turn on this radio, and how far the paradise can be?
You are in it.

Dream-ing

2005-12-21T09:23:00.000+08:00

Being slightly slacky today, I just happened to have a conversation in IM with a colleague, who's gonna leave the company soon. Before that I thought that he quited just because of a simple reason, he is bored of his job. But after this chat session, he led me into a deep thought. He is one such dauntless guy, who is brave enough to make the decision that he thinks is right. We all know that the job we are doing isn't suitable and lead to nowhere, and is far from what we really want. But, I chose to bear with it, as I really don't have the courage to take any risk. I can't afford to leave this multinational company which has about 91,000 employees worldwide, to seek for what I always wanted.

"I don't have to care what others are thinking. I am responsible on my own life. If someone doesn't agree with what you are doing, it doesn't mean that you are wrong, it's just that they don't understand what you are doing."

This guy who's one year younger than me, he can think even wiser. But yet, I can't make any decision yet. Maybe after today I am one step closer to my dream, and I become more certain on what I want, but it's still not the time yet. Though, all the politics, back-stabbers, kiasu people, I have had enough. For now, I just hope that those that care for me can understand and appreciate what I am doing, and know how hard I am struggling, wishing to reach the right bank.

When I am on the right track, that's gonna be the beginning of the new stage of my life.

Letter to Santa

2005-12-02T20:18:00.000+08:00

Dear Santa,

So far this year I have been:

very good all of the time.
good most of the time.
good a lot of the time.
well, not very good lately.

I am a lot older this year. When you select my gifts, please remember I am:

4 or younger
5-10
11-15
16-20
20 and above but still a kid at heart.

Here is what I wanted most. Please do your best!

not-to-be-left-alone-on-friday-night

Here are some MORE things I want. Do your best, Santa!

less temper
considerate
adorable
smiles from him

I want to tell you what I am doing, or thinking.

I always try to be cheerful, but I can't when I am disappointed.
When I don't talk, I hope someone can actually start the conversation and break the ice.
I know I am very irritating when I am angry, I don't like it either.
Instant noodles taste good, but not when I am eating alone.
Home alone is scary.

Thanks Santa. I promise to be a good girl next year and not hurting anyone I love.

Bye bye.

Love,

Angel

我是天蝎座

2005-11-16T08:08:00.000+08:00

Ｏ型天蠍座

想要以一句話來解釋清楚Ｏ型天蠍座的性格，這是極為困難的。Ｏ型表現在外的氣質是：具有彈性的冷靜態度，而且對時間、地點、場合的反應極靈敏。天蠍座本身就具有下列特性：俗氣、持有堅固的信念、確實保持住自己的領域。這兩種全然不同的性格結合在一個人的身上，於是就時有衝突發生。

所以，雖然同樣是Ｏ型天蠍座的人，因人而異同樣會出現某種程度的差別。就是同一個人，也會依時間、地點的不同，而表現全然不同的個性。

Ｏ型天蠍座的特色，可用其強硬的意志力來做代表。這類型的人，平時很少談自己，和人初見面時，給人軟弱無能的印象。事實上，這種人的個性深沈，並且擁有強硬的意志力。這種強硬的意志力，恰如磐石般穩固的令人吃驚。

這類型的人另外還有一個特徵，那就是具有豐富的想像力。他們不是積極和人交往的類型，但是當他們找到合適的人，就會徹底信賴對方，並且坦誠地和對方交往。運用他們敏銳的第六感和豐富的想像力，他們就能把握住對方的心思。

由於這類型的人較為深沈的緣故，所以比較沈默，不會說些奉承他人的話。因為這種個性，也許會給人一種難以應付的感覺。對於個性不合的人，也許更會帶給對方冷漠的印象。

然而這類型的人，本來是誠實而且心地善良的人。他們注重信諾，一旦說出口的事無論如何都會恪遵到底；他們對親密交往的人有絕對的信賴。只不過因為很暴露自己的心情，於是就故意隱瞞。因此有將自己關閉在內心世界的傾向。這種人獨佔慾也是相當的強，一旦到手的東西絕不鬆手，因此很容易捲進這種個性所帶來的糾紛中。

期於強烈的意志力，Ｏ型天蠍座的人極容易形成頑固、倔強的性格。他們不會明顯的表露在行為上，但是在內心的自信和自尊是不輸任何人的。對他人的意見和忠告，是不會生氣反駁，但是他們也不會接納那些建議，仍舊是按照自己的信念而行動。

最后，天蝎座永远是繁星中最美丽的星座。

资料来源: http://keepyourlover.ne1.net/

最后一句是我自加的。忘了附加一点，天蝎座是超自恋的。

It's time to go!

2005-11-05T08:14:00.000+08:00

Another 1 day, I will be conquering the highest mountain in South East Asia, the mount Kinabalu.

October Fest

2005-10-17T10:46:00.000+08:00

Just went back KL last weekend, and attended a primary schoolmate's birthday celebration. It was kinda fun to catch up with some of these friends, after missing plenty of outings with the gang. Here are some pictures that I would like to share, contributed by our beloved Hotdog:

Buffet dinner at Neway, Times Square. Benson took oysters as his appetizer. The guys definitely know why they need that a lot and that was why I found piles of oyster shells scattered on the table after that.

Here comes the can't-get-mic-off-hands diva. Jason at the back was so stunned and stoned with my singings. :">

Everyone was stuffed with all sorts of food, and look at the mess! Even the monkey was pleased and showed the sign of victory.

Arrr..rrr..mmmmm..

This desirous woman still couldn't get enough huh. :s

Woo.. go slow go slow.. no one is rushing you babe. And no one will accuse you for eating so much kaka..

Seems like everyone was enjoying so much with the strip show by Benson and Hau.

Who's the birthday person? The one holding the cake? Or the one cutting it? Or..

Here he is! Our birthday boy with his killer smile. This year guai kang liao ah?

I want leng lui I want leng lui I want leng lui....

Here comes LENG LUI!! Phewittt..

Anthony and his birthday pressieee!! *slurp*

The room was a bit chilly.. and Anthony became so excited with his pressiee. So..

Chick rules! Cheers!

Guess the pics explain everything the best. No elaboration needed. So I am gotta split!

.....

2005-10-13T10:30:00.000+08:00

Sorry for being so mean today but..

I WANNA GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!!!

I don't wanna see anyone, don't wanna do anything, I just wanna get my ass out of this place. I miss KL, I miss mama, I miss papa.. I am so damn stucked!

Sob...

Valuable

2005-10-05T10:20:00.000+08:00

A true companion is the one who knows all about you, and still likes you.

A real companion is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

A faithful companion is the one who will be there for you when he'd rather be somewhere else.

I've learned that valuable is not what you have in your life, but WHO you have in your life. Be true, real and faithful to everyone around you. And you will be treated the same.

Anyone who is reading this, thanks for being part of my life. :)

You are back

2005-09-29T14:07:00.000+08:00

She left me on her birthday exactly 8 months ago, and now she is back. I got her contact number from her boyfriend, feeling so stimulated to hear her voice again.

I dialed the number and waited for the other end to pick it up. Memories flooded my mind and I couldn't stop reminiscing those good and bad moments we used to have. Finally, someone answered the phone. The person that I have been missing all the time, was now talking to me, 300km away. Drops of clear saline fluid secreted from my eyes, one after another. During the whole conversation, I kept wiping my tears and tried hard to lower my weeping tone from propagating to the surrounding cubicles.

She will be in KL for a week, but I can only spend a trifling 6 hours with her. Then, God knows when is our next meet up. But yet, she remains to be the best friend I can ever have. No matter where you are and how far we are apart, as I always tell you, no one can be your substitution in my heart. Li Chen, my roommate for 3 years from Shanghai, best friend forever.

What day is today?

2005-09-20T09:31:00.000+08:00

What's the day that you dislike most in a week? Well.. for a stucked-in-work person like me, most probably you will give me a prompt response of Monday, Tuesday or both. I always find myself having severe difficulty in exhibiting my luminous eyes for at least a day or two after the long weekends. I can hardly make them wide-opened. Even with a sufficient amount of workload in hand to keep me busy with, I will still fail to battle the attack of my drowsiness, and tend to doze off in front of the PC. The huge contrast between the slackly weekends and the tedious weekdays explains why I dislike Monday and Tuesday so much.

Or I should say, disliked.

Today, is another disasterious Tuesday. I started to complain about how mad I am feeling today to someone, till I asked that person in return how he is feeling about the beginning of the week. When I started to expect him to be like a typical workperson, hating all the Mondays and Tuesdays, he actually came out with something, quite enlightening.

"I do look foward for weekends," he said. "But I don't hate Monday and Tuesday either. I treasure my everyday."

I was wordless, in a sudden. I saw myself shrinking, and accusing myself why I can't be as sensible as he is. That's so true. Time, which is the most precious of all, should be cherished with our utmost effort, but not be wasted in all the frets and glooms. Come to think of how those grievous illed people struggling to earn their time to stay alive, you should know by now, treasure your everyday as if it's your last day.

I see a difference in me. From now on, everyday is Sunday.

Memory

2005-09-15T09:58:00.000+08:00

I might forget what you said,
I might forget what you did,

But I can never forget,
How you ever made me feel.

Dilemma

2005-09-13T14:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really hope that I can be in some strange places, doing whatever I want.

I feel like shit right now.

Love and be loved

2005-09-12T08:07:00.000+08:00

You read his/her SMS over and over again.
You tend to drive slower when he/she is with you in your car.
When you are talking to him/her, you will be shy and afraid to look into his/her eyes.
While thinking about him/her, your will be smiling to yourself.
When he/she is lonely, you hope so much that you can be by his/her side.
When he/she is around, you can't see the other people around you, what you have in your eyes is only him/her.
You'll start listening to sentimental songs.
You'll start liking sentimental songs.
As long as he/she is beside you, you will be happy even if there is no conversation going on.
You always want to give him/her a gift.
You will value his/her advices and treasure his/her spirit.
You always trust him/her.
Your emotion will follow his/hers.
You are thinking about him/her, when you are reading this.

If among all the signs 9 or above are true, congratulations, you are falling for him/her. Who cares? Just fill your life with loads of love.

Love and be loved. That's so wonderful, isn't it?

The best moment in life

2005-09-07T11:21:00.000+08:00

Some of the best moment in life:

To have the first sip of coffee/tea in the morning.
To see someone I barely know smiles at me while calling out my name.
To see someone that makes my heart pump faster.
To have a considerate pat on the shoulder by someone after a hard day.
To laugh.. laugh.. and laugh.. when thinking of the stupid moments with stupid friends. :D
To meet up with a very close girl friend, doing whatever we feel like doing, without need to worry about what time to go home.
To have a hot shower, after a good swim.
To jog in the drizzling rain.
To see everyone around the table laughing at my jokes.
To wake up on a lazy day, and have breakfast on my bed.
To drive alone at night, with a good CD.
To sleep.. sleep and sleep.. without an alarm clock.
To have someone says out what I exactly wanna say.
To read a good article.
To share a pair of earphones with someone special.
To fall in love.
To feel wanted.
To eat ice cream cone with someone along the street.
someone unexpected to remember my birthday!
To read a good book on the couch in the cafe with a cup of my favourite latte, and fall asleep on someone's shoulder.
To sing along with the song on the radio, and my body moving with the rhythm.
To have someone telling you that he/she likes you.
To see someone enjoy the food you cook specially for them.
To discover the money you left in the pocket long time ago.
To share a drink or a piece of cake with someone you like.
To think of the special someone when you come across a song.
To accidentally get to know someone that you actually wanna know for long.

Are you thinking of your best moments in life? I just couldn't stop laughing when I was thinking mine. LOL.

Live your life to the fullest, cherish every moment you have, and be affection to everyone around you, from now on.

有缘千里来相逢

2005-09-02T17:13:00.000+08:00

许多年前，我曾经和一个人擦身而过。就犹如《向左转，向右转》电影中的情节一般，就差那么一点儿，我们错过了一个相识的机会。

这一错，就错了六年。

六年后的今天，我才意外地发现，一个我刚认识三个月不到的朋友，竟然就是那位我早就该在六年前就认识了的人。

这就是所谓的“缘分”吗？虽然错过了，但在远离家乡300余公里的异土上，我们始终还是遇上了。

很多事情都是冥冥中自有主宰的。这迟来的缘分，我会格外爱惜。

What's the gender of your brain?

2005-08-30T10:57:00.000+08:00

I might not be able to update my blog in the coming few days. So, I have a super duper simple task for you. Just click on this and find out what gender your brain is. Curious of what gender mine is? Hehe.. so obvious that I am an authentic decent lady, even my brain can tell. Here's the prove:
Have fun guys. And there are still a lot of quizzes to play along. Perhaps it's time to understand yourself more.

Head to Toe

2005-08-30T08:03:00.000+08:00

I love your pair of cystal clear eyes, remembering how you gently place them on me.

I love your pair of fleshy lips, remembering how they perfectly fit mine.

I love your pair of delicate hands, remembering how you brush my hair and caress me, through all the sleepless nights.

I love your pair of slender legs, I know you are gonna use them, to walk me till the end of my life.

I really love you from head to toe, in and out.

Counting down

2005-08-29T10:37:00.000+08:00

I can't stop smiling today. I am going back to the heaven soon, the place that I was born and raised. Feel kinda excited about the upcoming return-to-home, the eagerness is unusually overshooting the ordinary rate of excitement. Most probably it's because I am not going back alone this time! When come to think of the enjoyment that we are going to have, I am instantly stimulated. Other than the usual sleep, eat and drink, I am gonna utilise the-3's time beneficially as to give them some experiences that are worth to reminisce about and proud to brag of during our tea time. Never forget to bring along my camera, as to capture all the laughable scenes that will certainly have us rolling on the floor during the playback.

Can you now understand the gladness in me? After 3 months of dreary amusement and shopping in the island, I eventually have the chance to eye the ample malls and expansive REAL highways, again! A joyous me is eagerly awaiting the countdown to that moment when I can step out of the office and not to look back until next Monday. Hooooooorayyyy!!!!

The someone

2005-08-25T15:03:00.000+08:00

Do you ever have someone like this in your mind?

Someone that you are always comfortable to share your feelings.
Someone that you will never mind pulling them up whenever they are in deep shit.
Someone that will draw your attention whenever they voice up.
Someone that will brighten you up whenever you see them smile.
Someone that you will concern more comparing to other friends.
And the someone is actually the same someone that you enjoy talking nonsense with.

So, are you thinking of the special someone?

Blog Tag!!

2005-08-25T08:23:00.000+08:00

Ok.. I was wondering what the hell is "blog tag" when I received wukaneld's comment on my previous blog. After reading his latest blog, I finally know I was actually cursed. Anyone who break this chain, will be sexually hindered. (what?!) Wukaneld, lei hou yeh!

To get rid of this curse is extremely easy, we just need to list down 5 of our weirdest, unusual, peculiar kinda habits, which is so effortless for me as I have certainly more than that! Lets get started..

1. Guys that look real good in cap
I really don't know why, but I am so attracted to guys that look good in cap. It sounds easy, but in fact a nice looking guy with fitted cap on the street is rare. That's why I like it so much.

2. No skirts please
Perhaps it's because I am not lady-like kinda woman, or actually I think I look much much better in pants. I still remember there was once when I finally had the courage to wear a skirt to work, my colleague (a guy) told me,"Hey! I think you look kinda weird in this skirt, your legs seem to become so short." That day after, that skirt never have the chance to see the sunlight. Anyway, if you really want me to wear a piece, a mini one will be my choice, of course only when I am a clubber keke..

3. I want my blanky!
No matter how hot the weather is, I can only sleep well when I cover myself in my blanky. I feel rather creepy without the wrap, like someone gonna touch my legs when I am asleep.

4. Single eye lids
I love single eye lids. Yes I have my pair of single eye lids, and I love single eye lids on others too particularly guys! But seems like they only pair well with a pointed nose. Hmmm...

5. No long finger nails
In my whole life I never have finger nails longer than 2mm. Maybe I don't have nice fingers that come with nice nails, but most probably it's because they look grubby on me and very laborious to take care of. One more thing, I can't stand guys with long finger nails, especially on the last finger.

Guess there is sufficient number of disclosures. I better stop right now else I will be in deep shit. The next 5 chosen victims are:

1. Alan Voon
2. Li Chen
3. Erwin Soong
4. Alan Leow
5. Monkey Hau

Enjoy guys!

Suspicion Is Devil

2005-08-24T08:19:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I feel so tired in giving all the explanations. I can't do what I wish to do, and I need to put everyone's feelings in consideration. I don't mind doing that actually, but sometimes when someone is way too sensitive, I feel extremely pressured. The sensitivity will consequently lead to suspicion, which somehow irritate me to a certain extent. I dislike people suspecting me, even after some sincere explainations that seem didn't help much in convincing her/him. I don't lie. I mean sometimes I do lie, but certainly not a harmful one. So what's the point of having the so called "true friendship" when the suspicions keep occuring between you and me? A great friend should perform mutual understanding but not needing you to keep clarifying your actions.

Arghhh.. what the hell is going on? So that's the feedback I get from someone I care so much? Since I get such negative feedback even after I treated this relationship wholeheartedly, there's no point moving on.

End of the world

2005-07-20T10:43:00.000+08:00

My life became so miserable since after you lost your smiles.

白玫

2005-04-05T20:53:00.000+08:00

14 朵干枯了的白玫瑰，除了没有了昔日的光鲜，高贵的气息依然令我透不过气来。点缀着玫瑰的满天星，把我的思绪带回了那一刻，你的双眼犹如天上繁星般明亮，又不缺温柔。紫靛色的勿忘我，已把那一刻的记忆牢牢地封锁，一切一切已深深地烙印在我的脑海中。

看着玫瑰，我仿佛看见了你灿烂的笑容，那个我一直想念的笑容。

不归路

2005-04-05T18:39:00.000+08:00

今天的头条：泰南又发生爆炸事件了。不仅泼水节被搞垮了，据说暴动分子的下一个目标是泰国的首都，曼谷。

慢着。。曼谷？那我的毕业旅行不就受影响了吗？棒极了，分分钟我连机票钱都可省下来了，因为只需付单程机票，哈哈。

朋友们，倘若您们还有什么话要对我说，还有什么事要对我做，请在本月28日前告知本人，不然这一辈子或许再没有机会和我碰面了。

把握现在，就从这一刻开始，你我都准备好了吗？

再见象牙塔

2005-03-24T01:06:00.000+08:00

四年的大学生涯不知不觉已快要结束了。离别在际，一个特别的朋友寄了一篇满有意思的文章给我，他希望我把这篇他已收藏了半个世纪的文章公之于世。现在就让我们来看看，这一则文章的内容有多“巴必”！

送给所有即将离开校园的朋友。当一个人不能再拥有时，他所能做的就是不要忘记。

1. 在夏夜的雨水里，大声地喊一次那个你想过多次人的名字。不要怕你的声音过大，惊醒N 多梦中人。（再不喊，恐怕没有多少机会了吧？XXX~~~~~）

2. 一定要对你喜欢的女生(男生)，很认真地告诉她(他)，我爱过你！（这一句绝对值的深思。）

3. 在一个太阳还没有升起来的早晨，去操场跑一次步,，和那些生猛的大一新生们比较一下懒觉睡多了后体力上的差距。（回想起我大一时的所持有的 spirit，现在只有感叹不如的份儿。。。）

4. 在校园里，假如有山，请记得再爬一次，假如有水，请记得再游一次。（就让我们旧地重游，不论回忆是快乐或反之，都是值得重温的，不是吗？）

5. 即使从不喝酒，你也一定要认真地醉一次。（记得不久前一个不爱喝酒的猪头向我说了同样的一句话。其实我真的好期待他醉酒的一幕，平时看似乖乖的他，另外一面到底是什么德性？嘻嘻。。)

6. 很认真地穿一次西装(套装)，看看自己和4年前，变化的地方在哪里？（除了漂亮了，昔日的风采依然不变，那就是我！）

7. 和你一起睡了4年的床，一定要记得和它合一张影。（基本上我睡上的床不到一年就换新主人了，我想念它，它可不想念我呢！哼！）

8. 花一个下午的时候，认真地整理一次自己的书箱，哪些是可以留的，哪些是不要了的在某本书里，是不是看见了一张陌生已久的纸条，或者是某人的名字？（纸条倒没有，别人的字迹却一大箩，全是 assignment, lab report 的答案 copy... :">）

9. 男生整理衣柜的时候，记得把你的球衣送给你的学弟，CD送给学妹，游戏碟记得自己带走。（有谁要送我CD？来者不拒！）

10. 记得留下每一个你觉得应该是朋友的联系方法，然后把你的新单位的电话给他们。（四海为家，电邮通讯最好不过了。）

11. 终于要走了，再剪一次发，让自己崭崭新新地离开，然后，崭崭新新地开始。（回忆依然长存。）

12. 尽可能地送每一个你能送的同学，你要明白，他们是你4年的同学，他们中的某人，也许是你最后一次能见到的人。（就当今天是你活在世上的最后一天，对他们说出你藏在心里许久的话吧。）

骊歌高颂，我祝所有我认识与不认识的毕业生，一路顺风，锦绣前程。

Final Year Project

2005-03-13T13:42:00.000+08:00

The due date of the final year project is approaching. Though I have nothing to do with it, I am still deeply concerned about it, because most of my friends are still struggling courageously to the bitter end. Some of them are like turbo-charged cheetah moving in allegro, and in contrary some of them are like sluggish snail moving inch-by-inch in a leisurely manner. No matter what, both parties are heading the same direction, which is the date of submission, with their completion of their best ability in hand.

To anyone who is still enduring the tortures of their bloody projects, be sturdy in face of the difficulties. Sorry for being so wordy but yet I still have to say these:

- drink more (plenty of) water;
- eat less rubbish (especially Mr WWP);
- stop for a breather whenever it's possible.

Try to think of how the sun shines after the rain, everything will be still as fine as ever. :)

献给你

2005-02-17T11:11:00.000+08:00

我们每一个人都是被有条件地爱着，也是有条件地爱着别人。
既然知道世上没有无条件的爱，我们更不应该心灰意冷，
我们应该努力使自己更具备条件去爱，
同时也该学习忘记一些条件去爱一个人。
有时候，必须有前面的苦心经营，才有后面的偶然相遇。
不到最后一刻，千万别放弃。
最后得到的好东西，不是幸运。

喜欢上你，不需要任何理由。
既然喜欢上了，感觉就是理由。
就让我被思念折磨，在思念你的日子里做一头可怜的流浪狗。

Carry me out in your arms

2005-02-16T14:32:00.000+08:00

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life wasmore likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls."Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I've got something to do in the company." Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, what will you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away fromher. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got somethingto tell you,"I said.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?". "I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!".

At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expectedto see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?"This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, "I remember". "You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning."

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son."I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is beingdemolished. Be careful when you pass there."

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All my dresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold mein your arms until we are old."

I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy."

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious."

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got no fever." She said. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I'll carry you out every morning until we are old."

Time is too slow for those who wait;
Too swift for those who fear;
Too long for those who grieve;
Too short for those who rejoice;
But for those who love, time is eternity...

Happy belated Valentine's day.

2005-02-15T19:56:00.000+08:00

A close friend of mine was asking me a question yesterday. He said, one fine day just before you fall asleep, try to think of this:

If today is your last day on earth, which means you are not going to wake up tomorrow, what comes to your mind first?

Before he continues with the next statement, someone just ran through my mind. Then he said, apart from your family members, the one you are thinking should be the one you really care of, and that person might play an important role in your life.

Perhaps he is right.

Second last day in KL

2005-01-25T16:46:00.000+08:00

I will be leaving KL to Singapore this coming Thursday and will be spending approximately 2 weeks there until around day-5 of Chinese New Year. Before that I was so eager to leave because of the immunity against my current life in KL.. but I don't understand why, I am feeling quite heavy to leave right now, after spending my wonderful weekends in MMU. Should be utilising today in packing my luggage, but my backpack is still empty. :(

Anyway, I still have to go no matter what because the ticket is already bought. Just hope that everything can remain unchanged and I am not forgetten by anyone.

2005-01-21T03:31:00.000+08:00

Dream on Fang..
Dream on..

New Year Resolution

2005-01-03T23:07:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine (he wanted his name to stay anonymously) suggested a self-check as a new year resolution, so after answering all those weird questions of his, I actually did a self-check for myself. He listed out a few weak points that I am having:

-not cute enough.
Ok.. this is a hard one. I am not cute at all in default. But he was just comparing me with someone ma.. so I just assume that I am cute in others' eyes. No change is needed.

-too bold for a lady.
I admit sometimes I reacted boldly but it was just because of the timidity of those people around me. Am I too good to always trouble myself in making decisions for them? So I guess it's good to keep up my boldness. No change is needed.

- quite 'nan kang' (cantonese)
Ok.. I am not sweet and I am way too spicy... that's why he said I am not eatable. This statement actually hit me badly on my head and I never knew that I am that 'nan kang'. No wonder till now still 'mou yan hao' la.. Okok.. really need improvement on this. I guess tomorrow I will go and buy a few dozens of honey and apply on my body. Like that eatable le kua?

After the three weak points he stated, I actually ended this topic because I think I can accept strikes no more. 23 years being the person I am now, is it possible to change my personality just like that? Man.. I am just a human who is inhaling the same amount of oxygen as you are. So people, please stop digging other's weak points and start appreciating the specialties of every single creature.

美丽的记忆

2004-12-31T14:58:00.000+08:00

夏天的风
吹在蓝色的海上
白色的云
随着风自在地飘逸
我
躺在绵绵的百云上
听着鲸鱼的呼吸
看着海鸥飞过
这一幕
让我想起童年的笑声
其实
每一个大人心里
都住着一个小孩
只要静静地听
就会找到
那最自在，纯真，平静的自己

Free your soul...
自由的心
才有真实的爱
爱是一种探险
等待对方付出，不如自己先去实践
爱是一种自由
可以在任何时间进出心门，没有阻碍
爱是一种满足
在一起的时候，不说话也很自在
爱是一种欢迎
当非同类出现时，大方地邀请他加入
爱是一种魔法
在真实的空间里，还有梦存在的地方

原文源自：Nelly

献给特别的他。

认识他时，彼此如此纯朴真实
想起了他就想起了我纯真的童年
一切有他的记忆，仍然如此美丽。

Brand-new me

2004-12-20T19:06:00.000+08:00

When I decided to be a brand-new me starting from today, I actually received the horoscope of Tuesday which says:

Try something totally new -- hit a new club, try online dating if you haven't yet or just speak to that hot stranger down at the mall. Novelty will get you where you want to go.

Even the constellation wants me to have something new. I am now looking forward for tomorrow and the days after.

P/S: Do you believe in horoscope? Are you interested and feel like making your own subscription? Feel free to log on to http://www.astrology.com/ and start receiving your free horoscope of the day.

Acknowledgement

2004-12-12T03:47:00.000+08:00

This page is specially dedicated to someone so true, so generous, who never be punctilious, and never afraid of all the troubles his friends had made. Thanks for all the efforts for bringing the BBQ party to such a great success. I really had a great time in your castle though there are still so much leftover which shows how lousy my cooking skill is. And last but not the least, thanks for your support in everything and being so understanding always.

P/S: Never forget to thank another someone who was managed to attend the party despite his approaching examination, though it was only a trifling 4 hours. And never forget to mention that I feel so grateful as my spaghetti was at least appreciated by someone. :)

Yow Kia for sale!

2004-11-28T01:03:00.000+08:00

I had been forced by someone to post up this picture. That fella in blue at the front, he requested me to promote him kao kao.. Ok.. he is Yow Kia, the most leng cai among my primary school buddies. Oh ya! He wanted me to emphasize that he is STRAIGHT. Anyone interested, kindly leave your contacts but strictly for girls only.

My last day in MMU

2004-11-27T21:54:00.000+08:00

I Just finished my final exam today, or should I say I just finished my final subject of the Bachelor of Engineering (Honours) Electronics in MMU. There it goes my 20 years of study life. My friend Alvern sent me a sms couple minutes ago, congratulated me and asked me whether I am somewhere celebrating my utmost freedom. Out of his expectation I am actually sitting in front of the computer as usual, checking mails, browsing aimlessly, and figuring what else I can possibly do with this sluggish computer. Don't know why, I just couldn't feel the excitement in getting my Degree in Electronics Engineering eventually and not to say having the mood to celebrate anymore. Most probably it's because I don't have the kaki to viva with, moreover I am the only one graduating in such a weird timing. Ok.. I didn't repeat the year's work, I graduated earlier it's because I am too good, obviously. Muahaha...

Anyway, since I had been committing myself in education for nearly 20 years, I think it's time for me to take a short break before I really toss myself out to the society. But meanwhile you will still see me in Tmn Maluri Starbucks serving coffee. I really need to make some bucks as my mum already expected me not to stretch out my hand asking for cash from now on. Plus, I have to save some money for my first trip overseas. Are you curious in where i am going? Well.. definitely somewhere further than S'pore, somewhere needed at least 4 hours to reach by flight. The interesting part is, I might be going alone, though I will be staying at my friend's place when I reach the destination. Just wondering if i can get approval from my parents, they still treat me like I am a baby girl.. though I just past my 23 year-old birthday few days ago. If anyone feel like sponsoring, please don't ever feel hesitate to contact me. Cash, cheque, credit card or whatever form you can think of, are ALL welcomed.

Oh ya! I received something interesting from a horoscope website. It says:

What are you looking for in an intimate relationship? Whatever it is, you're due to find it soon, whether you're with someone at the moment or not. Make sure you're open to a new and unusual solution to an old problem.

Hm.. this statement really led me into a deep thought. Since after the past relationship which ended 7 months ago, I had been asking myself for the umpteenth time, what kind of person I am looking for? I have some adjectives to tell of course, but I guess the most essential factor, is the feeling. Scorpions are like that one, too perceptual and trust their six sense too much. But what for being so conscious sometimes? I just like the feeling of taking risks, accepting challenges and eagerly expecting something which is out of your expectation most of the time. But if applying this theory into my love life, I think it doesn't function quite properly. Mr Gentleman had been asking me to choose my sword for the battle, but I don't even have the courage to enter the combat. Taking something which isn't belong to me yet, that's not my style. Maybe, maybe one day the wind will change, or maybe just like what Mr Gentleman's crystal ball says, I might win the battle beautifully, even without putting much effort. Hahaha.. So for now I will remain at the dark side, observe every single movement he makes (you know.. I can really do this quite easily if i want to because of a reason), and only launch my attack at the right time... That time sure return in triumph la.. wahahahha....

Ahem.. enough craps for today. Wanna go and hold the Astro remote control for a while. Bye!

Before

2004-11-26T20:48:00.000+08:00

This pic was taken on my birthday at Sushi Station, Sg Wang.. before everyone gets crazy.

After

2004-11-26T20:43:00.000+08:00

After they lost their senses.. See la.. those are my so called buddies la..

Koon Hau for sale!

2004-11-26T20:10:00.000+08:00

This is Koon Hau. Whoever is interested in him, kindly leave your contacts and I will ask him to contact you as soon as possible. For your extra information, he is bisexual one.

My first blog

2004-11-26T19:31:00.000+08:00

Had been thinking of finding a place to give vent to my grievances for so long.. and never thought that I finally made myself one on 3.20am today. Another 12 hours I will be having my exam and now I am still awake doing something which is not closely related with it.
Very slacky lately I guess most probably I am still in my birthday mood. 4 days of celebration.. definitely enough for a normal citizen like me. My sis's boyfriend just tole me that luckily I am not the Prime Minister of Malaysia if not I will be celebrating my big day for 4 weeks consecutively instead of 4 days. But I don't think I will kena teruk like what I got on my 2004 birthday if I am the Prime Minister. Prime Minister won't be getting red fresh creams on his face, won't be dropping into the swimming pool caused of the sneaky attack from his so called 'best pals' and certainly won't be running around insanely but still got sprayed by some fresh whipped cream. I enjoy being normal.. for real.
i don't know who inspired me in setting this (blogger) up, but one thing I am certain is I really need a place to pen down my feelings. I was chatting with Koon Hau in MSN just now and so happened that we started to disclose our top secrets to each other.. and now only I realise how pleasant the feeling is when you can share your privacy with someone that can be trusted. So anyone wanna share your secrets with me? I will make sure that they are safe and sound.. muahaha..
I guess what I wrote so far is good enough for my first day. See you soon, if you choose to stay.